Back to my first piece of Poetry..

The Different Kind of Girl...

Would you care....

The different kind of girl,

She wants to be happy but only thinks of things that make her sad

She's lazy but ambitious

She's doesn't like herself but

She also loves who she is.

She says she doesn't care but

She really does

She craves attention but rejects it when it comes her way

She is but a conflicted contradiction if she can't even figure herself out

If you take the time to look at simple things you'll come to see just how beautiful they are.

The child is grown,

The dream is gone

And she has become comfortably numb

The world can be an amazing place when you are a slightly strange

Why don't you realize it

All you do is give her names

While all along she's the different kind of girl.

The one that you name freak.

Just cause of the way she acts

But there is another face to her

She loves the people who love her

She loves little things like the moon

But her dark side will never fade

Only her true friends will ever see

A little part of the other side.

The other face.

All you do is keep pushing

Why do you keep pushing so hard

Yet all she is is an undefined angel.

Cause not all scars show

And not all wounds heal

Sometimes you can never truly see the pain that some feel

She's looking for her lost half.

Fun fact about this...

The different kind of girl was originally written and performed as a spoken word poem by me.

It was uploaded on my then YouTube channel after a lot of convincing from a very close friend.

As the header suggests its my first poem in other aspects but definitely not my first writing.

It was my first piece to be a spoken word

My first piece to showcase vulnerability

My first piece to upload on YouTube

Hence the well deserved tittle of my first piece of poetry.

ABOUT THIS PIECE..

I wrote this piece in June 2018 when I felt like I was drowning and was highly misunderstood.

Having just turned 18 a couple of months back I felt like the world was mine to conquer but I struggled with literally everything.

I have always had trouble with my eating habits but at this time it was crazy! Getting out of bed was a literal struggle doing basic things like spreading my bed, taking a shower, doing my laundry they all seemed so taxing. But all these signs were rendered as being lazy.

Being African is a struggle by itself and when I tell you we cannot get enough into the stigmatization that surrounds *mental health out here you wouldn't believe me.

Anyway, these are all findings I came to like an year later after being checked into therapy. (look forward to that chapter cause its a literal rollercoaster).

I yearned to understand myself the way others wanted me to be. And it was in search of my actual self that this piece came to be. Hence the line she's looking for her lost half.

In time Inspiration

Credit to Mel's Thoughts on YouTube and Abdul Nassir (Nemo Sprinkles)

This page and person saved me through their pieces. I literally heard this man on a live for Button poetry and searched for his IG. Went ahead to dm him all my feels and thoughts and when he responded I had enough fight for another day (look forward to a piece inspired by him)

As for Mel's thoughts I believe I was in search for poetry titles Don't kill yourself. And hooked to the page I was. I mean she did succeed <lol>

So here I am finally getting the courage to show my damaged younger self and the healed version. Lets get into it!!!

Be sure to check this page out for old but gold content I'm not even certain that they still post but boy! (Okay she's still active!)